A word from our Volunteer, Claire Wood
At Youth Talk, we see a lot of young people come through our doors struggling with a range of different worries.
In this blog, one of our volunteers, Claire Wood, shares her own experience: of struggling when she was younger and of finding Youth Talk and talking through her problems. Importantly, Claire talks about how her time at Youth Talk, shapes her life with her own family now.
If I could step inside a time machine and travel back to the autumn of 2003, when the idea of attending counselling sessions was ever so slightly terrifying, I would take the opportunity to assure my former, younger, self that it would prove to be one of the best decisions that I could make.
It was by no means an easy decision though because not only did I find talking about myself very difficult back then, but I had also come from a generation whose parents didn’t really ‘believe’ in counselling. Apparently I was an overthinker who was far too intense and needed to try and be a bit more laid back about things. My self-esteem had hit rock bottom though, largely due to having been bullied for many of my school years, and it was beginning to affect both my career development and my personal relationships.
One of my friends gave me the details for Youth Talk and I decided to give them a call. I chose not to tell my parents about the appointment because I didn’t want them to try and talk me out of going. I knew that I needed to start feeling good about myself, and it therefore had to be entirely within my own power to do something about it.
I was extremely nervous and even contemplated walking out whilst I was waiting for my counsellor to come down and collect me. I feared that I was wasting her time with relatively trivial problems, but she quickly assured me that my problems were just as important as anyone else’s.
As I learned to stand up for myself a bit more, I discovered that I didn’t get trampled on anymore
Talking about myself was embarrassing at first. After all, I was the person who all my friends used to come to in order to talk about their problems with, and I wasn’t used to taking on the role of speaker rather than listener.
But it gradually became a lot easier to open up to her, and after a few sessions I was beginning to enjoy talking to my counsellor more and more. I was also beginning to feel a lot happier about many of the issues that I had decided to seek counselling for in the first place, like asserting myself without the fear of upsetting people I cared about. I was afraid of being rejected or receiving criticism from others.
As I learned to stand up for myself a bit more, I discovered that I didn’t get trampled on anymore, and I was able to let go of the obligation to be nice all the time in order to feel more popular. I was also able to not allow myself to feel undermined by more domineering personalities.
I used to find it really hard to accept compliments, and I tended to focus on the negatives all the time, particularly during performance reviews at work when my efforts to get promoted proved unsuccessful. I remember having a dream about receiving my letter for the promotion scheme assessment day, but I had to ask my mum to read it to me. My counsellor explained that even though I knew that I had the power to find out about the assessments myself, I had a tendency to rely on my mum a lot. I needed to find a way of becoming more independent in order to improve my confidence.
Being young has so many pressures, particularly these days when you add social media into the mix. Pressure to do well in school. Pressure to work out what career path you want to take. Pressure to have lots of friends and a thriving social life. Pressure to find the right partner. Pressure to keep up with all the latest trends. Pressure to save enough money in order to move out of home.
That’s why charities like Youth Talk are so invaluable. And having the opportunity to talk about your problems and work out ways in which you can challenge certain thought processes from an early age, is such an important skill to carry through life.
My sessions at Youth Talk taught me that I should never apologise, explain or account for my feelings, and that I shouldn’t punish myself for feeling angry or upset.
It’s just one of my rights as a human being and I am entitled to feel whatever it is that I want to feel. I used to keep my feelings hidden away, but learnt how to be more open about things, and to confide in my friends a bit more whenever I was struggling.
It’s just one of my rights as a human being and I am entitled to feel whatever it is that I want to feel.
After 6 months at Youth Talk, I abandoned the idea of being promoted and moved away to complete a summer secondment instead, during which time I was able to find my independence at last. It was a fantastic experience and I often wonder whether I would have had the strength to do that if it hadn’t have been for the counselling. Since then, I have got married and have a daughter of my own. She’s 12 now and has her own battles with anxiety, but I do my best to encourage her to be as open as possible about her feelings.
In more recent times I have also developed a keen interest in mental health. Last year I completed an introduction to counselling course which I am hoping to take further in the future, and I have also self-published my first novel which was inspired by my experiences with bullying and the positive affects that counselling can have.
Back in 2003 I worried about growing up with regrets, but I’m 45 now and I can honestly say as I step back out of the time machine, that I don’t regret a single second of it.
Thank you, Youth Talk.
Thank YOU, Claire.
Thank you for sharing your experience and for highlighting the important benefits talking can have on you and your mental health. Claire has come a long way since her time at Youth Talk. You can find her self-published novel, Sticks and Stones, available on Amazon.
At Youth Talk we’re determined that every young person has a safe place to talk in confidence – whatever’s on their mind.
If you know a young person who you think would benefit from our counselling service, encourage them to self-refer themselves for counselling today.
Lashings World XI
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